Thursday, December 25, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Only to Me
So this incident happened just 5 minutes ago and I feel really embarrassed. I was sitting at my cube when I had to go to the restroom. I got up and went to the bathroom on our floor but the cleaning lady was already there. So, I decided to go to the bathroom on the lower floor. I picked out a smaller stall since the handicap stall was already occupied. When I looked in the bowl I saw something there...I think it was just paper. I tried to flush it and it seemed to go down ok, though the flush sounded weak, so I didn't think anything of it and proceeded to handle my bidness.
While I was doing my thang everyone else left the bathroom and I was by myself. Then a minute later somebody came in and then seemed to make a quick exit. Well, I finished up, wiped using minimal amount of TP, and flushed. The shit, literally, would not go down. The toilet didn't overflow so I flushed again, praying that it would go down. It didn't. I'm like, "Crap, I'd better leave soon before the cleaning lady sees what happened." I washed my hands and was about to leave and thought "Oh crap, what if the person that came in and out WAS the cleaning lady?" I prayed as I opened the door and there stood the cleaning lady. She caught me red-handed and probably knew what stall I was in. So I decided to fess up and tell her what happened but that I think someone else broke the toilet. She gave me a weird look and said "OK." I went upstairs dreading having to ever use any of our facilities again and run into her, because she will obviously think that it was my fault.
It wasn't my fault.
While I was doing my thang everyone else left the bathroom and I was by myself. Then a minute later somebody came in and then seemed to make a quick exit. Well, I finished up, wiped using minimal amount of TP, and flushed. The shit, literally, would not go down. The toilet didn't overflow so I flushed again, praying that it would go down. It didn't. I'm like, "Crap, I'd better leave soon before the cleaning lady sees what happened." I washed my hands and was about to leave and thought "Oh crap, what if the person that came in and out WAS the cleaning lady?" I prayed as I opened the door and there stood the cleaning lady. She caught me red-handed and probably knew what stall I was in. So I decided to fess up and tell her what happened but that I think someone else broke the toilet. She gave me a weird look and said "OK." I went upstairs dreading having to ever use any of our facilities again and run into her, because she will obviously think that it was my fault.
It wasn't my fault.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Football!!!!!!!!
This little gem was found by Mike while he was using my computer for fantasy football.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Monday, November 3, 2008
You talk too much
Dear Friend,
Thank you for your response. I appreciate your interest in collaborating with me in executing this business. Like you already know, I am Mr. Wang Kuang Hsiang, Director of Operations and Head Wealth Management Division of Taiwan Business Bank (TBB), Taiwan. I contacted you earlier concerning an investment placed under our banks management by our client; Late Mr. Momoh Al-Mohammad. I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of the information you come by as a result of this mail. I contacted you independently of our investigation and no one is informed of this communication. I would like to intimate you with certain facts that I believe would be of interest to you. The subject matter, Mr. Momoh Al-Mohammad came to our bank to engage in business discussions with our private banking division. He informed us that he had a financial portfolio of $21,500,000.00 (Twenty-One Million Five Hundred Thousand US Dollars), which he wished to have us turn over (invest) on his behalf.
I was the officer assigned to his case; I made numerous suggestions in line with my duties as the de-facto Director of Operations of the newly formed Wealth Management Division, especially given the volume of funds he wished to put into our bank. We met on numerous occasions prior to any investments being placed. I encouraged him to consider various growth funds with prime ratings. The favored route in my advice to customers is to start by assessing data on 1000 traditional stocks and 2000 managers of alternative investments. Based on my advice, we spun the money around various opportunities and made attractive margins for our first few months of operation.
Our auditing brought to our notice the inactivity of that particular portfolio from the head office. This was an astounding position as far as I was concerned, given the fact that I managed the Wealth Management Division, I made futile efforts to locate Mr. Momoh Al-Mohammad. I immediately passed the task of locating him to the internal investigations department of the bank under my supervision. Four days later, information started to trickle in; apparently Mr. Momoh Al-Mohammad had been killed in a bomb blast that hit their home at Mukaradeeb in Iraq .
The bank immediately launched an investigation into possible surviving next of kin to alert about the situation and also to come forward to claim his fund. If you are familiar with private banking affairs, those who patronize our services usually prefer anonymity, but also some levels of detachment from conventional processes. In his bio-data form, he listed no next of kin.. In the field of private banking, opening an account with us means no one will know of its existence, accounts are rarely held under a name; depositors use numbers and codes to make the accounts anonymous. This bank even gives the choice to depositors of having their mail sent to them or held at the bank itself, ensuring that there are no traces of the account and as I said, rarely do they nominate next of kin. Private banking clients apart from not nominating next of kin also usually in most cases leave WILLS in our care, in this case; Mr. Momoh Al-Mohammad died interstate.
In line with our internal processes for account holders who have passed away, we instituted our own investigations in good faith to determine who should have right to claim the fund. This investigation has for the past months been unfruitful. We have scanned every continent and used our private investigation affiliate companies to get to the root of the problem. It is this investigation that resulted in me contacting you. My official capacity then and now dictates that I am the only party to supervise the investigation and the only party to receive the results of the investigation. This leaves me as the only person with the full picture of what the prevailing situation is in relation to the deposit and the beneficiary of the deposit. This is why I want us both to work together and have this money for ourselves instead of it going into the Taiwan Government Treasury and Reserve Accounts as unclaimed deposits.
Being in the helm of affairs, I have the power and expertise to have these funds moved but there has to be a recipient who must be a foreigner. I therefore seek your consent to collaborate with me by letting me document you (through an attorney) as the next of kin/beneficiary in position to receive the $21.5M USD, then you and I will share the money. I cannot make use of a citizen here because my late client was a foreigner. It will be suspicious in my bank if a citizen of Taiwan should come out and claim next of kin.
However, I would like to be sure of your willingness, trustworthiness and commitment to execute this transaction with me, I cannot afford to compromise these virtues considering the money involved, it is necessary for me to be sure of the person to whom I will be entrusting in this transaction, Like I said before, due to this issue on my hands now, it became necessary for me to seek your assistance, I appreciate the fact that you are ready to assist me in executing this project, and if possible to help me in investing my share of the money in your country till I resign soon and come to meet you in person. Upon receipt of the deposit, I am prepared to share the money with you 55/40, that is; 55% comes to me while 40% goes to you and the balance 5% will be set aside for all miscellaneous expenses in executing this deal. You should not have anything to worry about. I will do everything legally required to ensure that the project goes smoothly, it shall pass through all the Legal International Banking Laws, for this, I will employ the services of an attorney who will obtain a certificate of deposit from my bank and a WILL of testament from the probate Registry and other vital documents. This will be issued in your name. This will make you the bonafide owner of the funds for us; this is where I need you. As a matter of fact I shall take care of the cost of running all the logistics involved on my side of this transaction, such as the cost of retaining the services of the Attorney and obtaining the necessary official documents from the Taiwan authorities and other miscellaneous expenses which I will incur to ensure a hitch free transfer.
I will not request any up front from you to me over here in Taiwan so I would want you to keep this transaction very confidential for now so that we can peacefully enjoy our proceeds at the end of the day when the deal is through.
Your only obligation is to open an offshore transit account in your name in a foreign corresponding Taiwan Business Bank that I will refer you to, after confirming from our foreign operations department which of our foreign corresponding Bank (that has the same telex code with our bank) best meet our purpose. But these two accounts must not be your existing accounts, they must be fresh accounts. The money would be transferred to your account in your country via a foreign corresponding Bank of ours that I will refer you to, this is the best way, I have found, it will protect us from my bank and the monetary body while we do not have to pay high inheritance tax as will be demanded by your country of resident. I want us to enjoy this money in peace when we conclude. So you should listen to my instructions and follow them religiously as I have double-checked all angles with regards to this transaction and will not do any thing to jeopardize my career.
I am aware of the consequences of this proposal. I ask that if you find no interest in this project that you should discard this mail. I ask that you do not be vindictive and destructive. If my offer is of no appeal to you, delete this message and forget I ever contacted you. Do not destroy my career because you do not approve of my proposal. You may not know this but people like me who have made a tidy sum out of comparable situations run the whole banking sector. I am not a criminal and what I do, I do not find against good conscience, this may be hard for you to understand, but the dynamics of my industry dictates that I make this move. Such opportunities only come one’s way once in a lifetime. I cannot let this chance pass me by, for once I find myself in total control of my destiny. These chances won’t pass me by. I ask that you do not destroy my chance, if you will not work with me let me know and let me move on with my life but do not destroy me. I am a family man and this is an opportunity to provide them with new and much greater opportunities. There is a reward for this project and it is a task well worth undertaking. I have evaluated the risks and the only risk I have here is from you refusing to work with me and alerting my bank. I am the only one who knows of this situation. Let’s share the blessing..
If you find yourself able to work with me, contact me through this same email account. If you give me positive signals, I will initiate this process towards a conclusion. I wish to inform you that should you contact me via official channels; I will deny knowing you and about this project. I repeat, I do not want you contacting me through my official phone lines nor do I want you contacting me through my official email account. Contact me only through the numbers which I will subsequently provide to you and also through this email address. I do not want any direct link between you and me. My official lines are not secure lines as they are periodically monitored to assess our level of customer care in line with our Total Quality Management Policy. I am aware of this fact having once served as the Director of Marketing and Communications. Please observe this instruction religiously. Please, again, note I am a family man; I have a wife and children. I send you this mail not without a measure of fear as to what the consequences, but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold. This is the one truth I have learned from my private banking clients. Do not betray my confidence.
I await your response.
Regards,
Mr. Wang Kuang Hsiang
Ooops! My bad! Reading this took too much effort.
Thank you for your response. I appreciate your interest in collaborating with me in executing this business. Like you already know, I am Mr. Wang Kuang Hsiang, Director of Operations and Head Wealth Management Division of Taiwan Business Bank (TBB), Taiwan. I contacted you earlier concerning an investment placed under our banks management by our client; Late Mr. Momoh Al-Mohammad. I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of the information you come by as a result of this mail. I contacted you independently of our investigation and no one is informed of this communication. I would like to intimate you with certain facts that I believe would be of interest to you. The subject matter, Mr. Momoh Al-Mohammad came to our bank to engage in business discussions with our private banking division. He informed us that he had a financial portfolio of $21,500,000.00 (Twenty-One Million Five Hundred Thousand US Dollars), which he wished to have us turn over (invest) on his behalf.
I was the officer assigned to his case; I made numerous suggestions in line with my duties as the de-facto Director of Operations of the newly formed Wealth Management Division, especially given the volume of funds he wished to put into our bank. We met on numerous occasions prior to any investments being placed. I encouraged him to consider various growth funds with prime ratings. The favored route in my advice to customers is to start by assessing data on 1000 traditional stocks and 2000 managers of alternative investments. Based on my advice, we spun the money around various opportunities and made attractive margins for our first few months of operation.
Our auditing brought to our notice the inactivity of that particular portfolio from the head office. This was an astounding position as far as I was concerned, given the fact that I managed the Wealth Management Division, I made futile efforts to locate Mr. Momoh Al-Mohammad. I immediately passed the task of locating him to the internal investigations department of the bank under my supervision. Four days later, information started to trickle in; apparently Mr. Momoh Al-Mohammad had been killed in a bomb blast that hit their home at Mukaradeeb in Iraq .
The bank immediately launched an investigation into possible surviving next of kin to alert about the situation and also to come forward to claim his fund. If you are familiar with private banking affairs, those who patronize our services usually prefer anonymity, but also some levels of detachment from conventional processes. In his bio-data form, he listed no next of kin.. In the field of private banking, opening an account with us means no one will know of its existence, accounts are rarely held under a name; depositors use numbers and codes to make the accounts anonymous. This bank even gives the choice to depositors of having their mail sent to them or held at the bank itself, ensuring that there are no traces of the account and as I said, rarely do they nominate next of kin. Private banking clients apart from not nominating next of kin also usually in most cases leave WILLS in our care, in this case; Mr. Momoh Al-Mohammad died interstate.
In line with our internal processes for account holders who have passed away, we instituted our own investigations in good faith to determine who should have right to claim the fund. This investigation has for the past months been unfruitful. We have scanned every continent and used our private investigation affiliate companies to get to the root of the problem. It is this investigation that resulted in me contacting you. My official capacity then and now dictates that I am the only party to supervise the investigation and the only party to receive the results of the investigation. This leaves me as the only person with the full picture of what the prevailing situation is in relation to the deposit and the beneficiary of the deposit. This is why I want us both to work together and have this money for ourselves instead of it going into the Taiwan Government Treasury and Reserve Accounts as unclaimed deposits.
Being in the helm of affairs, I have the power and expertise to have these funds moved but there has to be a recipient who must be a foreigner. I therefore seek your consent to collaborate with me by letting me document you (through an attorney) as the next of kin/beneficiary in position to receive the $21.5M USD, then you and I will share the money. I cannot make use of a citizen here because my late client was a foreigner. It will be suspicious in my bank if a citizen of Taiwan should come out and claim next of kin.
However, I would like to be sure of your willingness, trustworthiness and commitment to execute this transaction with me, I cannot afford to compromise these virtues considering the money involved, it is necessary for me to be sure of the person to whom I will be entrusting in this transaction, Like I said before, due to this issue on my hands now, it became necessary for me to seek your assistance, I appreciate the fact that you are ready to assist me in executing this project, and if possible to help me in investing my share of the money in your country till I resign soon and come to meet you in person. Upon receipt of the deposit, I am prepared to share the money with you 55/40, that is; 55% comes to me while 40% goes to you and the balance 5% will be set aside for all miscellaneous expenses in executing this deal. You should not have anything to worry about. I will do everything legally required to ensure that the project goes smoothly, it shall pass through all the Legal International Banking Laws, for this, I will employ the services of an attorney who will obtain a certificate of deposit from my bank and a WILL of testament from the probate Registry and other vital documents. This will be issued in your name. This will make you the bonafide owner of the funds for us; this is where I need you. As a matter of fact I shall take care of the cost of running all the logistics involved on my side of this transaction, such as the cost of retaining the services of the Attorney and obtaining the necessary official documents from the Taiwan authorities and other miscellaneous expenses which I will incur to ensure a hitch free transfer.
I will not request any up front from you to me over here in Taiwan so I would want you to keep this transaction very confidential for now so that we can peacefully enjoy our proceeds at the end of the day when the deal is through.
Your only obligation is to open an offshore transit account in your name in a foreign corresponding Taiwan Business Bank that I will refer you to, after confirming from our foreign operations department which of our foreign corresponding Bank (that has the same telex code with our bank) best meet our purpose. But these two accounts must not be your existing accounts, they must be fresh accounts. The money would be transferred to your account in your country via a foreign corresponding Bank of ours that I will refer you to, this is the best way, I have found, it will protect us from my bank and the monetary body while we do not have to pay high inheritance tax as will be demanded by your country of resident. I want us to enjoy this money in peace when we conclude. So you should listen to my instructions and follow them religiously as I have double-checked all angles with regards to this transaction and will not do any thing to jeopardize my career.
I am aware of the consequences of this proposal. I ask that if you find no interest in this project that you should discard this mail. I ask that you do not be vindictive and destructive. If my offer is of no appeal to you, delete this message and forget I ever contacted you. Do not destroy my career because you do not approve of my proposal. You may not know this but people like me who have made a tidy sum out of comparable situations run the whole banking sector. I am not a criminal and what I do, I do not find against good conscience, this may be hard for you to understand, but the dynamics of my industry dictates that I make this move. Such opportunities only come one’s way once in a lifetime. I cannot let this chance pass me by, for once I find myself in total control of my destiny. These chances won’t pass me by. I ask that you do not destroy my chance, if you will not work with me let me know and let me move on with my life but do not destroy me. I am a family man and this is an opportunity to provide them with new and much greater opportunities. There is a reward for this project and it is a task well worth undertaking. I have evaluated the risks and the only risk I have here is from you refusing to work with me and alerting my bank. I am the only one who knows of this situation. Let’s share the blessing..
If you find yourself able to work with me, contact me through this same email account. If you give me positive signals, I will initiate this process towards a conclusion. I wish to inform you that should you contact me via official channels; I will deny knowing you and about this project. I repeat, I do not want you contacting me through my official phone lines nor do I want you contacting me through my official email account. Contact me only through the numbers which I will subsequently provide to you and also through this email address. I do not want any direct link between you and me. My official lines are not secure lines as they are periodically monitored to assess our level of customer care in line with our Total Quality Management Policy. I am aware of this fact having once served as the Director of Marketing and Communications. Please observe this instruction religiously. Please, again, note I am a family man; I have a wife and children. I send you this mail not without a measure of fear as to what the consequences, but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold. This is the one truth I have learned from my private banking clients. Do not betray my confidence.
I await your response.
Regards,
Mr. Wang Kuang Hsiang
Ooops! My bad! Reading this took too much effort.
Friday, October 31, 2008
My response to Wang
Mr. Hsiang,
Hello, my name is Albert Koholic. My friends call me Al and you can refer to me as such. I recently stumbled across the email you sent me and I would like to express my interest in collaborating with you. I am in a grave situation with debt and mortgage and feel like this is the perfect opportunity that I can not simply ignore. I am a little anxious and skeptical as to how all this works, but I am easily confused. I am hoping that future correspondence with you will help allay my fears and result in a fruitful partnership. I am very anxious to hear back from you. With what limited funds I have left I am willing to take a risk as long as I feel secure with the situation. Below I have included my information. I will leave out my phone number for now until I feel more comfortable. I hope to hear back from you soon.
Thank you,
Albert
Albert Koholic
3501 Rebel Run
Fairfax, VA 22030
I think when it all goes down I'll send him some Monopoly money.
Hello, my name is Albert Koholic. My friends call me Al and you can refer to me as such. I recently stumbled across the email you sent me and I would like to express my interest in collaborating with you. I am in a grave situation with debt and mortgage and feel like this is the perfect opportunity that I can not simply ignore. I am a little anxious and skeptical as to how all this works, but I am easily confused. I am hoping that future correspondence with you will help allay my fears and result in a fruitful partnership. I am very anxious to hear back from you. With what limited funds I have left I am willing to take a risk as long as I feel secure with the situation. Below I have included my information. I will leave out my phone number for now until I feel more comfortable. I hope to hear back from you soon.
Thank you,
Albert
Albert Koholic
3501 Rebel Run
Fairfax, VA 22030
I think when it all goes down I'll send him some Monopoly money.
My Get Rich Quick Scheme
So I'm minding my own business when I open up my Yahoo! (trademark) email account and find that a golden egg has just been pooped into my lap. Apparently Mr.Wang Kuang Hsiang is the director of a Taiwanese bank. Well, it seems that during an audit over 21 million dollars of unknown money was found. Through their private investigation they found that the owner of this money had died and this money is left unclaimed. Since there is no record of a next of kin he needed someone to help something up to establish a beneficiary. He chose me. Of course this is no accident. I am asian and I like money. God is sending me a blinding, halogen sign that he wants me to have this money. So if I do my part Mr. Wang is willing to share the money with me. I mulled over this for a good 5 minutes and decided I have to take a hold of this, once-in-a-lifetime, opportunity. I am going to take him up on his offer before someone else gets their greedy hands into MY cookie jar. Here is the email as proof that I am truly blessed. I know the Internets is just dying to hear what happens so I will blog my experience.
This is his email to me, verbatim:
I am Mr.Wang Kuang Hsiang, Director of Operations and Head Wealth
Management Division. In our current performance of Annual Account Audit, our auditors found within our database some couple of accounts with huge deposits that has no registered name or next of kin associated with its record. As the man in the helm of affairs, these files were sent to my office for endorsement so that the deposits are transferred to the Taiwan Government Treasury and Reserve Accounts as unclaimed deposits. I did endorsed all but leaving one behind which I am very much familiar with; I indicated that the one I left has a next of kin/beneficiary associated with it but in the real sense, it has no beneficiary and this account is worth $21,500,000.00 (Twenty-One Million Five Hundred Thousand US Dollars).
A private investigation was plunged and supervised by me; the result was that the account owner had died. Being in the helm of affairs, I have the power and expertise to have these funds moved but there has to be a recipient who must be a foreigner. I therefore seek your consent to collaborate with me by letting me document you (through an attorney) as the next of kin/beneficiary in position to receive the $21.5M, then you and I will share the money. Should you be interested in working with me on this, do indicate your interest by sending me your full names, phone number and current residential address. I would prefer you reach me via my personal email address:
mr_wangkuang@yahoo.com.hk
Once I hear from you, I immediately will provide you with further information on logistics of having these funds moved.
Sincerely,
Mr.Wang Kuang Hsiang.
Before you guys jump to conclusions and think I am foolish; let it be known I know of all the potential scams out there. I've received emails before...but they were usually from Nigeria. But this is from Taiwan! How could they lie to a fellow asian?! I know what they eat, I know what they look like, and I love Thai food. I know it's not Thailand, but it's close enough.
This is his email to me, verbatim:
I am Mr.Wang Kuang Hsiang, Director of Operations and Head Wealth
Management Division. In our current performance of Annual Account Audit, our auditors found within our database some couple of accounts with huge deposits that has no registered name or next of kin associated with its record. As the man in the helm of affairs, these files were sent to my office for endorsement so that the deposits are transferred to the Taiwan Government Treasury and Reserve Accounts as unclaimed deposits. I did endorsed all but leaving one behind which I am very much familiar with; I indicated that the one I left has a next of kin/beneficiary associated with it but in the real sense, it has no beneficiary and this account is worth $21,500,000.00 (Twenty-One Million Five Hundred Thousand US Dollars).
A private investigation was plunged and supervised by me; the result was that the account owner had died. Being in the helm of affairs, I have the power and expertise to have these funds moved but there has to be a recipient who must be a foreigner. I therefore seek your consent to collaborate with me by letting me document you (through an attorney) as the next of kin/beneficiary in position to receive the $21.5M, then you and I will share the money. Should you be interested in working with me on this, do indicate your interest by sending me your full names, phone number and current residential address. I would prefer you reach me via my personal email address:
mr_wangkuang@yahoo.com.hk
Once I hear from you, I immediately will provide you with further information on logistics of having these funds moved.
Sincerely,
Mr.Wang Kuang Hsiang.
Before you guys jump to conclusions and think I am foolish; let it be known I know of all the potential scams out there. I've received emails before...but they were usually from Nigeria. But this is from Taiwan! How could they lie to a fellow asian?! I know what they eat, I know what they look like, and I love Thai food. I know it's not Thailand, but it's close enough.
Proud to be Korean!
It kind of looks like someone I know...if you can guess it, I'll buy you a drink!
Cost Cutting Ideas for Halloween
It's Halloween and greedy kids are going to come by and panhandle for candy that you paid for. I don't call it Halloween...I call it Freeloader's Day. If you are low on funds and want to save some money; here are my ideas for those greedy fools.
1. Take some paper and cut them into strips and write random fortunes. Give the kids fortunes without the cookie.
2. Judge the costumes kids are wearing and determine if they are good enough to get candy. Those lazy kids that show up without costumes are automatically disqualified. Create a point system and rate each kid. If they fail to meet the minimum score tell them they can't get their candy and give them the score sheet so they can improve next year. Scrubs.
3. Give them pennies. Cash is king.
4. If you aren't going out to a party, hide out at your parents and let them spend money on candy.
5. Go trick-or-treating yourself and use that to give to the kids. You can combine this with idea #2 to save some candy for yourself.
6. Find an empty basket. When the kids come around show them the basket and tell them they are too late.
7. Barter with the kids. Take a peek into their bag and trade them for candy you would want. Win-Win situation.
8. You know how restaurants have candy on their counter and have a sign saying to give 25 cents to get candy? Do that. Except make them slide the change under the door before you open the door and give them candy. It works for restaurants...why not you?
9. When they knock on your door go to the door and let them hear you lock it. They'll get the message.
10. Go to sleep.
- basic
1. Take some paper and cut them into strips and write random fortunes. Give the kids fortunes without the cookie.
2. Judge the costumes kids are wearing and determine if they are good enough to get candy. Those lazy kids that show up without costumes are automatically disqualified. Create a point system and rate each kid. If they fail to meet the minimum score tell them they can't get their candy and give them the score sheet so they can improve next year. Scrubs.
3. Give them pennies. Cash is king.
4. If you aren't going out to a party, hide out at your parents and let them spend money on candy.
5. Go trick-or-treating yourself and use that to give to the kids. You can combine this with idea #2 to save some candy for yourself.
6. Find an empty basket. When the kids come around show them the basket and tell them they are too late.
7. Barter with the kids. Take a peek into their bag and trade them for candy you would want. Win-Win situation.
8. You know how restaurants have candy on their counter and have a sign saying to give 25 cents to get candy? Do that. Except make them slide the change under the door before you open the door and give them candy. It works for restaurants...why not you?
9. When they knock on your door go to the door and let them hear you lock it. They'll get the message.
10. Go to sleep.
- basic
Thursday, October 30, 2008
This one is for Mike
This is Mike's favorite player in the NFL. His name is Lendale White and he is a touchdown machine. Mike refers to him, affectionately as, "daeji".
New Money Saving Techniques
Have you ever thought, "Man I need to stop using my credit cards?". This may be the solution for you!
- basic
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Warrior, Father, Friend, Redskin
“I don't think anybody should have regrets, especially me, ... You don't regret what you do in your life. If you do it, you do it for a reason."
- Sean Taylor
(Sorry Minsun, I had to do it. - Richard)
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
!
So its my birthday (yes, thank you) and thanks to Facebook, I get a smattering of well wishes from my friends. They're the standard short notes of happy birthday but one in particular caught my eye and it read: "HB!". HB? Seriously? Is "happy bday" not short enough that we have to go to "HB"? Really? What's next? "That girl is hot" is not just "ssss", "have a nice day" is just "day" and "haha" has been condensed to just "ha". Well to that I say "!"
Friday, October 24, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Sex, Revenge, Murder....Virtually
Click on the link for the full article.
We live in, very much, a virtual world. We do our shopping online. We get our news online. We have, *gasp*, sex online. People even get married online. I guess it was only a matter of time before these online marriages result in the virtual murders of spouses by their scorned widows.
Here are some excerpts from the article:
We live in, very much, a virtual world. We do our shopping online. We get our news online. We have, *gasp*, sex online. People even get married online. I guess it was only a matter of time before these online marriages result in the virtual murders of spouses by their scorned widows.
Here are some excerpts from the article:
"The woman, who has been jailed on suspicion of illegally accessing a computer and manipulating electronic data, used his ID and password to log onto the popular interactive game "Maple Story" to carry out the virtual murder in May, a police official in the northern city of Sapporo said. He spoke on condition of anonymity because of department policy.
"I was suddenly divorced, without a word of warning. That made me so angry," the official quoted her as telling investigators and admitting the allegations."
(LOL...anonymity. I guess this is a ground breaking case and should be handled with care since future incidents will be dealt in reference to the precedents that this case will set. We wouldn't want to compromise the integrity of this serious investigation...would we?)
In virtual worlds, players often abandon their inhibitions, engaging in activity online that they would never do in the real world. For instance, sex with strangers is a common activity.
(Eye-opening!)
The woman used login information she got from the 33-year-old office worker when their characters were happily married to kill the character. The man complained to police when he discovered that his online avatar was dead.
The woman was arrested Wednesday and taken 620 miles from her home in southern Miyazaki to be detained in Sapporo, where the man lives, the official said.
(Only in Japan....)
- basic
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Sugar, Water, Purple : NSFW (Language)
Mike, this post is for you so you can see what I was talking about last night. LOL Dave Chappelle is the funniest man alive!
If you are going to listen to this at work...use a headset or lower the volume. It's not vulgar or tasteless...but has a few choice words.
- basic
If you are going to listen to this at work...use a headset or lower the volume. It's not vulgar or tasteless...but has a few choice words.
- basic
Midget Face Slide
This is just to keep my blogs in the spirit of this site. I have this saved o my work computer and I like to watch it once in a while if I'm having a rough day.
Edit: Awww man. This site doesn't do animated images. Just take my word for it. It's hilarious. Google Image "midget face slide". It should be the #1 returned search for that topic.
Update:
- basic
You are not a unique Snowflake
I know this is supposed to be RandomHaHa but here is a link to an article to a subject matter that really grinds my gears:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122455219391652725.html
In retrospect of my childhood; I am really glad my parents beat my ass when I did something wrong. I am even glad that they beat my ass when I didn't do anything wrong, just for good measure. It made me a stronger person and taught me to be responsible for my actions, work hard for everything, and that nothing comes easy. It's fine if you put in the time and effort to demand what you want. But to come into a situation where you offer nothing and think you are special because your mom told you so is ridiculous. The corporations are not sinless and are also partly to blame, I won't deny that. For example, they expect loyalty from their employees when they would, just as readily, cut ties with loyal employees. So yes, if you actually do deserve better and you aren't getting compensated for your worth, demand it. But it is not your birthright.
The main thing in the article that pisses me off is the coddling parents give. I have seen and heard many instances of when kids or young adults do something wrong and do not take responsibility for their own actions. It's always someone else's fault. I have read things on how parents go to job interviews with their kids or call the company and bitch if their child doesn't get the the job. Or blame a company for their child getting injured because their child shoots themselves with a bebe gun. Hey...did you ever consider that maybe your kid is just stupid? Or maybe you are just a bad parent.
Pfft spoiled kids. Do you know what my mom said when I brought home report cards with all A's and one B? "WTF? What the hell is a B? Go find a stick that I can beat you with! And you better not pick anything out that is too small." (Translated from Korean)
- basic
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122455219391652725.html
In retrospect of my childhood; I am really glad my parents beat my ass when I did something wrong. I am even glad that they beat my ass when I didn't do anything wrong, just for good measure. It made me a stronger person and taught me to be responsible for my actions, work hard for everything, and that nothing comes easy. It's fine if you put in the time and effort to demand what you want. But to come into a situation where you offer nothing and think you are special because your mom told you so is ridiculous. The corporations are not sinless and are also partly to blame, I won't deny that. For example, they expect loyalty from their employees when they would, just as readily, cut ties with loyal employees. So yes, if you actually do deserve better and you aren't getting compensated for your worth, demand it. But it is not your birthright.
The main thing in the article that pisses me off is the coddling parents give. I have seen and heard many instances of when kids or young adults do something wrong and do not take responsibility for their own actions. It's always someone else's fault. I have read things on how parents go to job interviews with their kids or call the company and bitch if their child doesn't get the the job. Or blame a company for their child getting injured because their child shoots themselves with a bebe gun. Hey...did you ever consider that maybe your kid is just stupid? Or maybe you are just a bad parent.
Pfft spoiled kids. Do you know what my mom said when I brought home report cards with all A's and one B? "WTF? What the hell is a B? Go find a stick that I can beat you with! And you better not pick anything out that is too small." (Translated from Korean)
- basic
Hug an Asian Day
So apparently October 15th is the official Hug an Asian Day. I was like "huh?". So I decided to google it while at work. A site called www.aznlover.com came up in the search that mentioned it. Like an idiot I decided to click it and I get this:
Websense
Blocked
Category: Adult Material
Good game.
- basic
Websense
Blocked
Category: Adult Material
Good game.
- basic
Lukewarm for Barack
I was listening to a sports radio show yesterday on my way to lunch with Senor Miguel and heard this little tidbit. Apparently, after the Tampa Bay Rays earned their first World Series appearance Barack Obama went down to Tampa and stated his support for the Rays. However, the previous week he had gone to Philadelphia to state his support for the Phillies.
W.T.F.. That perturbs me quite a bit. On issues that MATTER (like economy, health care, foreign relations, etc.) I expect candidates to waffle between opinions; since they will eventually tow the party line or try to cater to public opinion. But to be as trivial as this to garner votes is unacceptable. You support one or the other. I will quote one of my favorite bible quotes:
"So then because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew you out of my mouth."
Revelations 3:16
Barack, I am about to spew you out. Look, there are some things that are instrinsic to people that you can't be on the fence with. You are either on the side of good or evil, war or peace, coke or pepsi, McDonald's or Burger King, Sunny D or that "purple stuff". There is a fork in the road on these issues and you can only choose one road.
- basic
W.T.F.. That perturbs me quite a bit. On issues that MATTER (like economy, health care, foreign relations, etc.) I expect candidates to waffle between opinions; since they will eventually tow the party line or try to cater to public opinion. But to be as trivial as this to garner votes is unacceptable. You support one or the other. I will quote one of my favorite bible quotes:
"So then because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew you out of my mouth."
Revelations 3:16
Barack, I am about to spew you out. Look, there are some things that are instrinsic to people that you can't be on the fence with. You are either on the side of good or evil, war or peace, coke or pepsi, McDonald's or Burger King, Sunny D or that "purple stuff". There is a fork in the road on these issues and you can only choose one road.
- basic
Thursday, October 16, 2008
basic's First Blog Post
Ok, so Minsun has been getting on me about making a post and threatening to take away my "contributor" status. I've never really written a blog so I'll rant about something I talked about with Minsun. Men's locker rooms. Here goes nothing.
The first problem I have is the stench in our locker rooms. With the steam room nearby and the showers running it smells, literally, like a steaming plate of ass. What's worse is that it's like a Pho restaurant and I can still smell it on me after I leave the gym. Why can't men's locker rooms have things like flowers and potpourri to make it smell nice? I know women have it. I've had to go to your bathrooms before. When I was still working at Micro Center I had to go in the female bathroom to grab some paper towels and noticed a nice basket of flower petals and potpourri. Naturally, I got jealous because our bathrooms didn't even have the drop-in thing in the urinals. So I snatched that joint and put it in our bathroom. The next day I worked I checked our bathroom and saw that they had removed it and put it back in the female bathroom. I was pretty mad and wanted to write a complaint to HR for borderline sexism. I consider myself a manly guy but I'd appreciate some potpourri or even a frigging fake plant to make my time there more athestically pleasing.
My second biggest problem is old Korean men. Most are fine. I'm talking about the ones with slicked back hair, gold chains, and are buck naked their entire time in the locker room. These are the guys that like to go up to the sinks, prop one leg up and then use the, gym provided, blow driers to dry their pubes. Seriously? It has to be a narcissitic thing. A lot of the ones I see blow dry themselves while strumming their junk and make stupid "Blue Steel" faces in the mirror. Hate to break it to you but you ain't that big. I saw it again yesterday. I guess propping up the leg makes some kind of sense since there is more surface area exposed to the drier and helps the moisture dissipate quicker....I find that towel + air drying to be just as effective and environmentally friendly. Save a tree....please!
- basic
The first problem I have is the stench in our locker rooms. With the steam room nearby and the showers running it smells, literally, like a steaming plate of ass. What's worse is that it's like a Pho restaurant and I can still smell it on me after I leave the gym. Why can't men's locker rooms have things like flowers and potpourri to make it smell nice? I know women have it. I've had to go to your bathrooms before. When I was still working at Micro Center I had to go in the female bathroom to grab some paper towels and noticed a nice basket of flower petals and potpourri. Naturally, I got jealous because our bathrooms didn't even have the drop-in thing in the urinals. So I snatched that joint and put it in our bathroom. The next day I worked I checked our bathroom and saw that they had removed it and put it back in the female bathroom. I was pretty mad and wanted to write a complaint to HR for borderline sexism. I consider myself a manly guy but I'd appreciate some potpourri or even a frigging fake plant to make my time there more athestically pleasing.
My second biggest problem is old Korean men. Most are fine. I'm talking about the ones with slicked back hair, gold chains, and are buck naked their entire time in the locker room. These are the guys that like to go up to the sinks, prop one leg up and then use the, gym provided, blow driers to dry their pubes. Seriously? It has to be a narcissitic thing. A lot of the ones I see blow dry themselves while strumming their junk and make stupid "Blue Steel" faces in the mirror. Hate to break it to you but you ain't that big. I saw it again yesterday. I guess propping up the leg makes some kind of sense since there is more surface area exposed to the drier and helps the moisture dissipate quicker....I find that towel + air drying to be just as effective and environmentally friendly. Save a tree....please!
- basic
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Me... Unfiltered
It was a typical lunch break on a typical work day. My co-workers and I had just finished lunch and were heading back to the office. Lunch was good and filled with your typical "work sucks", "Olympics are awesome" and "What are you going to do this weekend? I don't know, what are you going to do?" banter. One of the co-workers being a brash, young, and some-what egotistical male, lunch was also sprinkled with bits of "my girlfriend always cooked and cleaned when she came over" and "my girlfriend does my laundry" nonsense at which I would just roll my eyes and ignore. However, as we were heading out, the brash, young and some-what egotistical male made one last comment. "It was my girlfriend's job to grab the mints then feed it to me" he said. Annoyed, I turned to him and said, "Damn, Greg! Does your girlfriend also unzip your pants and hold your junks while you pee?" Yeah, I was surprised that came out too.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Our President...
doesn't know which way the flag goes.
Its almost a shame to tell him... he looks so proud. At least he picked up the right flag - good job, Bushie.
Its almost a shame to tell him... he looks so proud. At least he picked up the right flag - good job, Bushie.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Just another day in the life
So its the end of the workday and I'm driving home from work when all of a sudden, I'm hit with the need to sleep. I'm talking can't-keep-my-eyes-open-did-someone-one-slip-me-some-nyquil kind of sleep. Now I used to have great control over my ability to stay awake. I could drive the four hours home from Tech in the middle of the night or gorge myself at Homeplace, fight off food coma and drive back safely. However, this time I found myself turning blinks into naps and no matter how hard I hit myself, I could not wake up. I see the exit to my house coming up and and think of heavenly relief when my conscious takes over and I drive past it to go to the gym. If only I hadn't had that BLT hold the lettuce and tomatoes but top it with some more bacon sandwich! When I get to the gym I'm still ridiculously tired and the treadmill is the last place I want to be (the conscious can only go so far). So I did the only logical thing left to do: I put my seat back and took a nap in the parking lot. I heard the voices of people all around me and cars coming and going but I have to say, that was the best 30 minutes I've ever spent at the gym.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Dentist approved
For all those who dislike the minty aftertaste of floss: now there's bacon floss!
Ladies, they say a way to a man's heart is through the stomach so stock up and floss with these sweet tasting bacon floss. Guaranteed to make your breath smell bacon-y fresh for all those closeups with that special someone. Don't forget to douse a little bacon grease to give yourself an allover flavor. As my imaginary Southern grandma would say, "If you fry it, they will come". Wise woman!
Ladies, they say a way to a man's heart is through the stomach so stock up and floss with these sweet tasting bacon floss. Guaranteed to make your breath smell bacon-y fresh for all those closeups with that special someone. Don't forget to douse a little bacon grease to give yourself an allover flavor. As my imaginary Southern grandma would say, "If you fry it, they will come". Wise woman!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Cause of death: Born as a woman
My doctor had a poster on osteoporosis and apparently, one of the risk factors is being a woman. Not sure what to do about that... except to become a gay man. Tempting.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
The Fall of Wayne
For some reason, Mike Myers and Heidi Klum decided to trade shoes...
Wayne's World has never been so fierce
Wayne's World has never been so fierce
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
W on the loose
Now that his presidential term is coming to a close, W is getting ready for his next role - becoming a socialite or as I like to call it, Bush Lite.
And just for kicks:
He's finally amongst his peers.
And just for kicks:
He's finally amongst his peers.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
Message from my sister
My sister sent me this message of my dad's very old minivan. 308,000 miles and still going... Nissan should put it in a commercial - it would put the Energizer bunny to shame.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Not really funny...
Its a sad state when you need a Bottom Buddy to help you wipe. Can you imagine if you saw your co-worker heading to the bathroom holding one of these? The whole office would know his business.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
The toe that got away
I can see the toe clinging on for dear life as she walks through puddles, asphalt and dirt roads. If only the other piggies would scoot over a bit...
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Mail in Rebates
I love Mail-in-rebates (hereout known as MIR). They make you think you're saving money when you're really not. And even though you know that check is coming, when you actually receive it, you get the same swell feeling you get when you find a dollar in an old pair of jeans. The electronic industry has taken advantage of this concept as advertisers often use MIR as incentives to get consumers to buy that new computer, phone, hard drive, etc. However, it seems that vendors outside the electronics industry are trying to cash in on this phenomenon.
Introducing... a Mail-in-rebate for maxi pads:
Introducing... a Mail-in-rebate for maxi pads:
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
On the nano... lyrical geni-osity
Have you heard this songs? Really, have you HEARD these songs?
Estelle ft. Kanye West - American Boy
"Don't like his baggy jeans but I'm gonna like what's underneath it"
Janet Jackson - Feedback
"My swag is serious - something heavy like a first day period"
Ingrid Michaelson - The Way I Am (from the Old Navy sweater commercial)
"I'd buy you Rogain when you start losing all your hair"
Estelle ft. Kanye West - American Boy
"Don't like his baggy jeans but I'm gonna like what's underneath it"
Janet Jackson - Feedback
"My swag is serious - something heavy like a first day period"
Ingrid Michaelson - The Way I Am (from the Old Navy sweater commercial)
"I'd buy you Rogain when you start losing all your hair"
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